[He doesn't reply to the text, simply goes to meet Kon as asked, and it's like Kon read his mind because he comes stomping around, clearly ready to yell about something or other. The request makes him pause but he's... absolutely still angry.]
You're angry because this place is fucked up, you've been forced to watch multiple die over two weeks, we've been put through some stupidass shit, I was insensitive about the Pokémon because I was understandably under duress but shouldn't have taken it out on you being also understandably distressed.
[ like, do you want him to keep going, because he's also resisting the urge to add on "you're also just angry because you always are." truce! respect the truce, kon, you suggested it in the first place! ]
[LISTEN BE SPECIFIC HE'S SPECIFICALLY ALWAYS ANGRY BECAUSE HE HAS A BUNCH OF COMPLEXES.]
Yeah? And how about the fact that you apparently trust fucking strangers with your theories about this place more than me!? How many other people have you told about Amatsuki, huh!?
[ oh fucking hell. as of this point in the pc timeline, he's talked to two people even vaguely about it, but the one that would know the most about amatsuki of the two - ]
One person. [ simply ] Ichiro, because he cornered me the first week about knowing more than I was letting on about modern tech. Beau I mentioned the concept of Heaven's Net to literally last night, but didn't give her any further information about Amatsuki, and I gave Ichiro the most barebones possible. The only reason they have that much is because I live with them.
But because Amatsuki isn't any of their business, that's it, and despite similarities here... I don't think it's completely the same. I don't think this is an Amatsuki versus Higan situation like we're used to, not after what happened on Thursday.
You told Ichiro enough to say you thought the dorm heads could get rewritten? We you ever going to tell me about this? Do you know how fucking stupid I feel hearing this for the first time from some other random person??
his volume jumps immediately to match, but there's a strain to it: ]
Sorry that I went and got fucking kidnapped to a place where I was rewritten into serial murdering people before I could tell you something I was only half-certain of before then!
[ leveraging himself up from where he's seated, kon angrily scrubs his hand through his hair - it's painful, but it doesn't matter - and starts pacing. ]
One second we were walking through a doorway on campus, wherever the fuck we all were, and the next we were in a neighborhood outside a house. With keys to the lock on the door. And it was our home there, like we belonged there and had lived there for years.
[ he's talking fast, but not enough to be incoherent. it's not just anger that's got him like it, but it's probably hard to pinpoint, at least right away. ]
We were gone for three days for us. The entire first day, there was something weighing down on us, wanting us to sleep. It interfered with us, made us remember and think things that hadn't happened to us. Made the fucked up things we found in that house make sense to us, like that was fucking normal to find rotten meat and bugs and acid filled food and shit in the walls! But by the end of it, the - fuck, I don't know, the influence? It got us to sleep.
And the next day, we weren't us, we were the versions of ourselves from that place. And we had killed people. Hundreds of people. I dreamt that I ran over Kuchiha with one of those things that hit Manwol and Lila today! We found Lila's fucking head in a cabinet, and her body in a hole with yours!
And that was normal, Tsuyukusa! That was an everyday fucking thing for us!
[ UGHHHHH he covers his face and takes a breath. stops pacing. ]
... it's not your fault. I should have talked to you about how we wanted to handle information about Amatsuki the first damn day we were here. [ muffled ] I should have - told you something more about this sooner.
None of us wanted to tell people the details. Bradley, Alphinaud, and I have only told our dormmates that have asked about the neighborhood and the monster, and not even the reality of what the fuck it was. Manwol said she only told Byleth anything substantial.
But when we found your bodies, it was just normal. We put you there. We'd killed you. We killed Nier and threw him down there with you, blew up the house.
The one Sieghart told me about didn't sound nearly as messed up as this. How did you even... get back to normal. [Things he refrains from asking: You are back to normal, right?] Was that because you killed that... monster you mentioned?
Obviously you didn't really kill me so I don't really care myself, personally. I just don't want anyone finding out I'm not real, Shinonome. Not everyone's going to be like Ichiro and insist it doesn't make my life worth less.
It really wasn't remotely as fucked up. [ like it was bad? it was definitely bad! but it was not - this. ] We slept again on the second night, after we burnt the house down. The third day, we woke up and were ourselves again, but with all the memories still. That was when we dealt with that - thing.
[ after i burnt the house down, really, but he doesn't say that.
but that throws him for a loop, and he stares at him like he's grown a second head. ]
I haven't said jack or shit about you in relation to Amatsuki, Tsuyukusa. People only know that we know each from before Wiwaldi other because we act like it in public, not because I've told them - what, that you're part of Amatsuki and not from Higan? I'm an asshole, and we don't like each other, but I'm not that kind of an asshole.
Well how am I supposed to know? I still barely even understand everything that happened back there... I don't know why you did what you did or whatever, I don't-
[Mussing up his hair fretfully!!] I don't even know what it all means... Everything with Shinshuu or Lili or whatever, and then Byakuroku, and I had to- and I didn't even have that much time to think, but now that's all I can do, and other versions of me are getting killed and maybe none of it even matters since none of it really happened, I just- All I want to do is tell Bon what a fucking idiot he is but he's gone and [JUST MAKES A FRUSTRATED NOISE AND SINKS INTO A MISERABLE CROUCH.]
that's all kon can think, as he looks down at him there. thinking about the vacant stare from the hole, as they pushed a still-warm nier down into it with tsuyukusa. the headless body of lila - now fucking gone, before he could ever really have a proper face-to-face conversation with her again without flinching or looking away from her. toki texting him like nothing was wrong, and that being the last action that was his own before his autonomy was taken. kuchiha as he ran her over again. and again. and again and again and -
he feels his stomach turning again, crouching down opposite him. ]
Like it or not, we're - we're in this together, Tsuyukusa. It's just us. [ quiet, strained ] But Bonten's still alive, in Higan, and you're going to be able to tell him that. And I don't know what either of us can do, but I'm so fucking tired after these two weeks. I'm tired of control and choices being taken from us all over again, but this time we don't have even a clue of what's going on.
I'll answer everything I can about Amatsuki, I'll - I don't know. I don't know what I'll do to help you process what happened to you. But we have to get through Wiwaldi alive to be able to get back to Toki and the others.
[He’s just quiet for a long moment. There is so much happening and he doesn’t know what to do about any of it. But he latches onto one thing he can grapple with. That he’s thought about a lot.]
But that’s wrong, isn’t it? [Looking up, blearily.] Just like Utsubushi is that guy Hashita, and Shinshuu is Lili, Bonten is someone else, isn’t he? He’s not my brother anymore.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You don't even know what I'm angry about.
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You're angry because this place is fucked up, you've been forced to watch multiple die over two weeks, we've been put through some stupidass shit, I was insensitive about the Pokémon because I was understandably under duress but shouldn't have taken it out on you being also understandably distressed.
[ like, do you want him to keep going, because he's also resisting the urge to add on "you're also just angry because you always are." truce! respect the truce, kon, you suggested it in the first place! ]
no subject
Yeah? And how about the fact that you apparently trust fucking strangers with your theories about this place more than me!? How many other people have you told about Amatsuki, huh!?
no subject
One person. [ simply ] Ichiro, because he cornered me the first week about knowing more than I was letting on about modern tech. Beau I mentioned the concept of Heaven's Net to literally last night, but didn't give her any further information about Amatsuki, and I gave Ichiro the most barebones possible. The only reason they have that much is because I live with them.
But because Amatsuki isn't any of their business, that's it, and despite similarities here... I don't think it's completely the same. I don't think this is an Amatsuki versus Higan situation like we're used to, not after what happened on Thursday.
no subject
[The truce is going great.]
no subject
his volume jumps immediately to match, but there's a strain to it: ]
Sorry that I went and got fucking kidnapped to a place where I was rewritten into serial murdering people before I could tell you something I was only half-certain of before then!
no subject
You-you what?
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One second we were walking through a doorway on campus, wherever the fuck we all were, and the next we were in a neighborhood outside a house. With keys to the lock on the door. And it was our home there, like we belonged there and had lived there for years.
[ he's talking fast, but not enough to be incoherent. it's not just anger that's got him like it, but it's probably hard to pinpoint, at least right away. ]
We were gone for three days for us. The entire first day, there was something weighing down on us, wanting us to sleep. It interfered with us, made us remember and think things that hadn't happened to us. Made the fucked up things we found in that house make sense to us, like that was fucking normal to find rotten meat and bugs and acid filled food and shit in the walls! But by the end of it, the - fuck, I don't know, the influence? It got us to sleep.
And the next day, we weren't us, we were the versions of ourselves from that place. And we had killed people. Hundreds of people. I dreamt that I ran over Kuchiha with one of those things that hit Manwol and Lila today! We found Lila's fucking head in a cabinet, and her body in a hole with yours!
And that was normal, Tsuyukusa! That was an everyday fucking thing for us!
[ oh, that's it. he's angry, and he's afraid. ]
no subject
... Sorry.
[HONESTLY HE JUST DOES NOT KNOW WHAT ELSE THERE IS TO SAY???]
no subject
... it's not your fault. I should have talked to you about how we wanted to handle information about Amatsuki the first damn day we were here. [ muffled ] I should have - told you something more about this sooner.
None of us wanted to tell people the details. Bradley, Alphinaud, and I have only told our dormmates that have asked about the neighborhood and the monster, and not even the reality of what the fuck it was. Manwol said she only told Byleth anything substantial.
But when we found your bodies, it was just normal. We put you there. We'd killed you. We killed Nier and threw him down there with you, blew up the house.
no subject
Obviously you didn't really kill me so I don't really care myself, personally. I just don't want anyone finding out I'm not real, Shinonome. Not everyone's going to be like Ichiro and insist it doesn't make my life worth less.
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[ after i burnt the house down, really, but he doesn't say that.
but that throws him for a loop, and he stares at him like he's grown a second head. ]
I haven't said jack or shit about you in relation to Amatsuki, Tsuyukusa. People only know that we know each from before Wiwaldi other because we act like it in public, not because I've told them - what, that you're part of Amatsuki and not from Higan? I'm an asshole, and we don't like each other, but I'm not that kind of an asshole.
1/2
Well how am I supposed to know? I still barely even understand everything that happened back there... I don't know why you did what you did or whatever, I don't-
2/2
I don't even know what it all means... Everything with Shinshuu or Lili or whatever, and then Byakuroku, and I had to- and I didn't even have that much time to think, but now that's all I can do, and other versions of me are getting killed and maybe none of it even matters since none of it really happened, I just- All I want to do is tell Bon what a fucking idiot he is but he's gone and
[JUST MAKES A FRUSTRATED NOISE AND SINKS INTO A MISERABLE CROUCH.]
no subject
that's all kon can think, as he looks down at him there. thinking about the vacant stare from the hole, as they pushed a still-warm nier down into it with tsuyukusa. the headless body of lila - now fucking gone, before he could ever really have a proper face-to-face conversation with her again without flinching or looking away from her. toki texting him like nothing was wrong, and that being the last action that was his own before his autonomy was taken. kuchiha as he ran her over again. and again. and again and again and -
he feels his stomach turning again, crouching down opposite him. ]
Like it or not, we're - we're in this together, Tsuyukusa. It's just us. [ quiet, strained ] But Bonten's still alive, in Higan, and you're going to be able to tell him that. And I don't know what either of us can do, but I'm so fucking tired after these two weeks. I'm tired of control and choices being taken from us all over again, but this time we don't have even a clue of what's going on.
I'll answer everything I can about Amatsuki, I'll - I don't know. I don't know what I'll do to help you process what happened to you. But we have to get through Wiwaldi alive to be able to get back to Toki and the others.
no subject
But that’s wrong, isn’t it?
[Looking up, blearily.] Just like Utsubushi is that guy Hashita, and Shinshuu is Lili, Bonten is someone else, isn’t he? He’s not my brother anymore.